Affirmations-mastering thyself part 2

In an earlier blog I wrote about mastering yourself, and about letting go and mastering anger. However, that is not the only issue I need or have to face. The very core issues aside from anger, I think I have found is the fact I have issues with confidence, fears, believing and trusting in myself as well as my abilities. I am a strong witch, I need to start 100 percent fully believing and trusting in that fact. 

I have composed of 6 daily affirmations to start doing ritually, sometimes maybe even doing a small mental spell to amplify the power of the affirmations, or do it while meditating and not just saying them and writing them everyday.

Affirmation Number 1: I Am Not Evil! 

                     This affirmation is mainly because I have a hard time forgiving myself, which is part of the anger issue. I have made a lot of mistakes in my life, and I punish myself for them. I wrote poetry talking about how I am a monster, and that I don't diserve anything in this world. I may have changed my thinking with that on that for the most part, but there are still days that I question if I am really good or not. Still a work in progress. However, maybe because I question myself, I wont have to worry about ever becoming evil or bad because questioning actions objectively and to make sure I don't do any harm to any one.

Affirmation number 2: I must trust myself and trust in my abilities

                    A lot of the times I have issues trusting in myself and in what I can do, not so much magically, but more so with life in general. Mostly it is about my career path, and what I want to do with my life. Alot of it is because part of me does not know what I should do or where I should go to strive for my goals. I don't even know where to start, and it is most taxing.  My spiritual path with magick though is making me realize I not only need to trust in magick but also trust in myself to do magick. Trust what I know, trusting in my intuition, and most importantly, trust my judgement when I get bad vibes or have a bad feeling about something or someone. So in turn I trust my intuition to tell me whats right with my career path, and other life situations as they arise. Also to trust yourself to know what to do when certain situations arise that you don't think you can handle alone. If you are anything like me, you know deep down that you are a lot stronger than you think you are.

Affirmation number 3: I must Believe in myself and my abilities. 

           This goes hand in hand with Trusting in one's self and One's abilities. If I Don't believe that I can accomplish goals, and believe I have the ability to accomplish goals, then I can't trust in myself. It all comes down to belief. Same with magick. I believe I can cast spells, and work my powers, but if I don't believe in the fact I can do these things, or even not believe in magick in general, hard to do any spell work that way or any  manifestations. Think about it. Believing and having faith is the key. Also believing that you know what to do in certain situations when something goes wrong also helps. Like I said before. We are stronger than what we think we are.

Affirmation number 4: I must have no fear!

            I have a lot of fears when it comes to life and with magick. I fear I will do something stupid and hurt someone, or I fear I will do something stupid and hurt myself with out realizing it. I fear the vast dangers that sometimes occur in magicks. Sometimes in life you just have to take necessary risks in order to get things done, and to take risks in order fully live a full life. After all being human, life is short. What is the point in living in fear all the time? It certainly does not get you anywhere. With career goals I also need to get over fearing the what if's. I always seem to think about what if I don't get into grad school, or what if I don't get a high enough score on the GRE? Then I think well how will I know for sure until I try? I get so wound up that I keep forgetting to actually do something and try, instead of just thinking about it... biggest issue in my life right there. Getting over these fears also goes back into trusting and believing in one self. In order to be fearless you have to believe in yourself and trust in yourself.

Affirmation number 5: I am beautiful despite my traits

This Affirmation is more of a personal thing. I know many people out there don't look like super models. Many of us oddly shaped people get discouraged and feel ugly even though they have a beautiful and strong heart. It also sorta goes back to not being evil or bad. Ugliness is perceived as an evil in American society. For example, someone who is obese or overweight is seen as ugly because the stereotype says they can't control their apatite, or because they don't do anything to take care of their bodies, which isn't always true. Some people have legitimate medical conditions that make someone obese. You get looked down upon by society and get seen as lazy. However, I sometimes work 12 hour shifts, I jump into other stations to help my team members, and sometimes even run most of the work stations myself on slow days. I work my butt off for the little money I earn, and even have to put up with a lot of rudeness from managers as well as customers just to even survive. Being ugly by American Culture shouldn't mean that you are an evil person because you are ugly. It doesn't make sense because you are not ugly nor evil just because you look different. Beauty is so overrated anyway. Ive dated some ugly guys who treated me like crap, and yet Ive dated some amazing good looking guys who treated me like a princess. Appearances is not everything, and I wish more and more people could realize this; especially the stuck up shallow snobs. Anyway sorry this is long but I think this is one that is one of the most sensitive topics for me, along with a lot of other American's out there.


Anyway, those are my self affirmations and the reasoning behind them. I think everyone should do positive self talk, and self affirmations. How else are we going to learn to have peace within ourselves so that we can help the world change and become a better place for everyone?  I been working on my thoughts and changing how I see myself for the last few years, because I do deserve happiness just like everyone else does. It is just a long process. It is not something that is instant or done over night. It is something you have to constantly work at and commit too. I have come a long ways since I started doing this, but there is always more work to be done!

Dream Protection

So I had a lot of nightmares last night. Sometimes when I am really exhausted I get a lot of nightmares, or something. I have a dream catcher with amethyst stones to help ward of bad dreams. However, every once in awhile it doesn't always work. My sachet that I made didn't seem to work so I decided to redo it and cleanse my dream catcher and imbued it with  more protection energies, as well as have a back up just in case.

I lit up a white candle, did the usual protection circle, burned some Dragon's Blood Incense, etc and proceeded with the activities.

Herbs I used were, garlic, Basil, Lavander, Jasmine, sea salt, Bay leaf, ginger, sage, and angelica

The stone(s) I used was amethysts.

Basically mixed up the herbs concentrating on pure protection as I added each herb. I imagined any dream demons being banished and any other harmful entities being banished while I slept.  Then I wrote down my objective on a piece of paper and put it in the pouch just for clarification, and put the stone and herbs into the sachet.

Then I held my dream catcher over some burning white sage to smudge and cleanse the dream catcher. I held it in my hand imagining white light surrounding it and surrounding myself while I slept. I told it to protect me from bad dreams, as well as protect me from evil entities or harmful entities. and imagined all protection energies inside this dream catcher. I was then done so I closed up shop.

I felt better.. loads better after doing this.

Lapis Luzil and Crystal Quartz pendulum

I made this necklace as a protection amulet, originally, but I am noticing that it amplifies my powers when I put it on. So I think it is more of an amplifier than a protector.  It is also a heavy necklace. It's something I probably wanna wear for really strong high magics when I get that far, or for when I wanna put some extra oomph in my basic spells. I have a third lapiz luzil stone that I will use for recreational use as well. From what I gather though, these Lapis Luzile stones, are really powerful stones, and in ancient Egyptians, they are the power of the Egyptian gods. They have strong healing and protection abilities as well as used for increased psychic awareness. They are magically stronger than amethysts I think from the way they feel to me. And I think since their stronger ability is amplified pychichism, and since quartz crystals also naturally amplify the magic in other stones, it only makes sense why this necklace is more of an amplifier than a protector. I have other magical necklaces that help protect me so in a sense it really isn't needed. I like creating magickal jewelry like this.

self made pendulum-necklace

I had bought some quartz crystals last night. This is the Quartz Crystal necklace I made for my Boyfriend. I made it so it can be used as a pendulum or a Scrying Crystal.  I know how to make hemp necklaces so that is what I did with this one. I'm going to make another one for myself, however I might use lapiz luzile stone instead of quartz crystal since I already have a stone for scrying with. I have amethyst necklace I made but Lapiz Luzile is a more powerful stone of protection and psychic awareness. Especially since the moment I brought it into my home, I was astral projecting all night and getting prophetic dreams. I can't wait to present this gift to my boyfriend. He is going to absolutely love it!

A basic Update

I am sorry,  I have not been able to write for a few days. I have been working very odd shifts at McDonald's and on my off time I have been resting instead of doing any pagan work. This past week I have been doing Early mornings and overnights. Its quite exhausting. I put in 14 hours on Friday. This basic update is about how I am doing and what is to come. I have some plans. Anyways, aside from working a lot, I have been watching Ghost Whisperer on Netflix and trying to get as much sleep as I can. I think tonight I am going to smoke some wild grass or make it into a tea so that I can be sedated and get lots of rest tonight.

As far as what is to come so far as I know, is I have a plan to do a self mediation on the next full moon. I want to know where the true source of my rage and anger comes from. My teacher says that anger can disrupt the balance inside you and in order to have full control of magicks you have to be balanced. Doing a spell under the influence of harmful and negative emotions, can mess up the spell you are doing or mess up any kind of magick that you try to do under the influence of these emotions. It will be about getting inside my mind and looking deep inside myself to find the answers I see.

Also I have written a few protection spells I would like to share but it will be tomorrow or on a different day. At the present moment I don't have the energy to write them out.

Anyway I hope everyone's days are blessed and full of light and love!

Wild Lettuce- sleep issues

Ok, so I have to admit I have insomnia/sleep issues. I think it is due to the fact I have post traumatic stress disorder, however, in order to help me sleep. I have been looking into herbalism and have come across a herb called Wild Lettuce. Not only does it aid in sleep as a mild sedative, but it also is a pain reliever and many other uses.

On WebMD.com it states thus:


"Wild lettuce is used for whooping cough, asthma, urinary tract problems, cough, trouble sleeping (insomnia), restlessness, excitability in children, painful menstrual periods, excessive sex drive in women (nymphomania), muscular or joint pains, poor circulation, swollen genitals in men (priapism), and as an opium substitute in cough preparations."

It also is known to relieve headaches, and mild back pain. I really think this Herb can help me in many areas. Especially with headaches and sleep. And who knows maybe headaches are also a result from sleep deprivation?

In any case I have also prepared a sachet that I hold under my pillow embedded as a spell to help with sleep.

The herbs I mixed were rosemary, rose buds/petals, marjoram, basil (for protection in my dreams while I sleep), thyme, wild lettuce, sage, and lavender.

Then I put an amethyst stone in the sachet too and a blue stone to promote calmness of mind. Then I lit a blue candle  and a white candle and imagined myself falling deep asleep that will help me get rested for my day and seeing myself full of energy. Then I said outloud:

Goddess I pray to you now so that I may have restful sleep

so that I will be full of energy for going about my day,

so that my mind is calmed when I'm restless

so that I may sleep and dream good dreams

keep out the bad dreams and protect me while I am dreaming,

Do this so that no one is harmed

If this is your will, so mote it be.

Then I ended the prayer and grounded myself and put the satchet under my pillow. The last few nights I have been sleeping well so I am confident that I was successful.

Mastering thyself- Forgiveness-anger banishing ritual

One important lessions I just figured out this weekend  about magick was in order to fully wield magick you must first master yourself. I have come to realize I am a rageful person, an angry person because I have a lot of pent up anger from the years of being casted out by society, teased, ridiculed, and I have been raped a couple of times too. There have been many people in my life who have hurt me. In order to fully understand the magick within me, and around me, I first must let all of this anger go. I must learn to control my emotions better, as well as control my anger when I do become angry. It is not easy for me.

First step is to think about the source of all this anger and rage that had been built up inside me. The first source comes from my own family. My mother had a way worse child hood than most. She was abused on all levels from her family. She herself is angrier than I am. She doesn't realize this though, but she puts the load of anger onto the people around her. Particularly me. I have felt what she has been feeling for years. I think it is because I am an empath, but my empathic abilities have been out of balance and stuff because of all the anger that is around me. And because of my out of balance empath ability, I have not been able to gain my full empath abilities. My natural defense reaction is to get angry right back and put it back in her face. Which I know makes things worse. Most of the time the theory of fighting fire with fire doesnt work. All it does is amplify the emotional energies.

 I feel bad because I know I have hurt my mother in the past due to this. I do not blame my mother for anything that has happened to me in my life. Everyone has issues, its just she's in a constant state of denial, where as I am brave enough to try and fix what is wrong and the issues I go through in life.  In essence, I must put a wall up in order to block the anger coming from my mother, as well as forgiving her for giving me so much anger in the first place.

Second step is to forgive EVERYONE who has ever hurt me and let that anger go away. Weather it be my mother, my father, my ex boyfriend, friends, or even past life anger that has survived into this life. Thus I created a ritual to do daily or even mentally in my head so that I can do a symbolic representation of letting go of anger and resent ment.  Getting angry is generally ok, its natural, and apart of human life, but if you can't let go of it, move on, and not let other peoples actions hold power over you anymore. Basically become a survivor and stop being the victim.

The ritual supplies: White candle, a ceramic bowl, piece of paper, purification/protection incesense. ( You can alter this to fit your needs if you wish). I prefer to go outside to do this ritual because I love being in the presense of nature and the natural elements. Not only that but it wont set off the fire alarms in my house.

After going outside cast barriers around yourself and/or a protection circle.

Light the white candle and sprinkle some incense around the candle.

Then burn some of the incesense.

Write the names of the people who make you angry and people you need to forgive.

Put the piece of paper with all the names on it up against the candle and inside th circle of incense.

Say this prayer/devotion/spell out loud

Goddess/God/etc

I forgive these people whose names I have written,

I let go of all my anger towards them.

Help me to heal from the wounds they helped inflicton my heart.

Purify my heart.

Banish Anger and resentment

Manifest love, peace, tranquility, and healing inside my heart so I feel complete

So that harm comes to no one

If this is your will, so mote it be

Then light the piece of paper on fire, and put it in the ceramic bowl to burn.

Take the ashes and let them fly into the wind and visualize/imagine your anger energy flying away and letting forgiveness, light, peace, and love flow inside you.

Then let the candle burn out (mini candles are best for this) and burn the incense herbs around the candle.

Then say out loud

Prayer/devotion/spell is done.

Thank you Goddess/God/ diety

Let your will be done.

Then ground yourself and visualize any excess energy being put back into the ground.

After you feel better go back inside and write in your spiritual journal/book of shadows how you feel afterwards.

Then go about your day/evening as usual.

I am not entirely sure how much this ritual should be done. For some, maybe it need's to be done everyday, others just every once in awhile in order to just be a reminder. Maybe only monthly. It all depends on you and how you feel.

Remember, Master thyself!

The Day's Events.

Ok, So today I am sorry I didn't get a chance to blog until now. It has been a really exhausting day. Last night I undid my money spell. I found out that Money spells are really tricky and should be avoided casting on yourself or others that would benefit you. Basically if you cast a money spell to help a neighbor or a stranger you don't really know that well, then it works. But your self or people around you that would make you a benefactor for it uh.. not so much. I had pure intentions and everything and it still backfired. I'm still not going into details  of it . Wiccan's believe it is ok to do this if you harm none, But I'd have to go with no anyway.

Also another thing I learned from this is always bubble yourself and put up shields before doing any magick. Normally I do, but for some stupid idiot reason I forgot or decided not to on a subconscious level. I had opened myself to bad spirits. I had a really frightening nightmare about a past life. And in this past life, I was a very powerful witch and I had gotten angry because I was a princess in a war, and my lover was the enemies son. My father, the king was going to try to make peace with the other kingdom and have me marry their son who was my lover anyway, but arguments got intense, and they called of the wedding. I was furious. I had summoned the prince of darkness himself to kill someone, I don't remember who, but I was pissed off to the point I wanted to kill them, and well it backfired, and got possessed and died in possession. When I had woken up, well, I couldn't move. My body was stiff as a board as if I had died, eventually I was able to move and stuff but it was freakier than hell. Part of me is even afraid to go to bed tonight, but I know I can't be afraid cuz it will make matters worse. Sigh. Anyway, For all those beginners who do not shield or form the sacred circle around yourself, most likely you will have dreams or night terrors similar to mine.

So In the morning, I woke up feeling like I hadn't slept, I knew what I had to do. I had to cleanse everything. My whole self, body, mind and soul. I did this by doing a ritual bath meditation thing. I took a shower burning Myrrh incense in order to get the purification and cleansing energy and combined it with the waters energy. I did  my regular visual meditation of me bathing in a rainbow colored waterfall. When I got out, I felt like I slept 8 hours peacefully and was wide awake, energized and ready to go on with my day.

However,  I also had to clense my room and make sure the spell is completely broken first by burying the stone I used as well as the little green baggy, the cinnimon stick that I took out, outside in the ground so the energies can be cleansed and also make sure the spell energy is completely gone.  I brought out my wand to draw my protection circle outside on the ground barefoot, lit a white candle for protection, as well as frankincense for protection and cleansing, and  told the objects I was burying that I took back the spell and that they have no more power. Then I meditated and cleansed myself with the wind and earth energies like with that the shower did. The candle also represented fire cleansing as well. So I cleansed myself wit all four elements. Then  I grounded myself and went back inside to cleanse my room.

I  re-cleanse/anoint my candles, Cleanse my room, and the area I worked at. Then I put up more shields and barriers around my room as well as draw the circle of protection on my altar with my wand, so that my supplies are also extra protected. Then I drew protective runes in the air going from north east south then west. As well as add protective energy to my dream catcher so that I can have good dreams tonight. After I felt that I was confident and satisfied everything was cleansed to my satisfaction, I finally stopped using magick and started getting ready for work.

So by the time I get dressed and go to work I am magically, mentally exhausted and physically as well because of being magically drained. Oh there's still plenty of power but I am not used to using all that power all at once, especially over all the magick I used over the last couple of days. Lets just say no more magick for me for a few days.

Anyway I'm not afraid nor worry about anything. I made a mistake, learned from it, tried correcting the mistake, and then cleansed and grounded, as well as giving some of my gems/ rocks to the ground as a gift. I did that as well when I went outside. I cleansed some rocks I though would be good to give to mother earth and father sky/god/goddess as a gift so I buried those as well and apologized for the error I made, and that I hope they accept my gifts as a way to try and compensate and repent for my mistake. Also if anything more bad happens I have a few others like me who will be able to help me if something more bad happens. Hopefully not. But with the 3x3 rule who knows?

Anyway I Just got off my shift about an hour ago and wanted to blog about it all as well as my exhaustion from work. I only worked 6 hours, but it was a long night/day. I hope I can relax and be safe in my twin stars arms soon. I miss him so much. If I could fly, Id be there in his arms right now sound a sleep.

Undoing the money spell.

Ok I had to undo the money spell I did because of some odd circumstances. Lets just say I learned my lesson when it comes to trying to do money spells, and how tricky they can be. Sigh. Lets just say I wont get into specifics, nor do I recomend doing the spell I tried earlier today. I basically took out the the stone, and put the herbs that I used into a ceramic bowl, poured holy water over it to purify and let the herb energies go back to normal and told it spell undo, don't let the spell take effect, and a bunch of other stuff end the spell, then I flushed the herbs down the toilet and be washed away. Then I purified the stone and am gunna do another purification thing for the stone tomorrow.

Financial Success/money spell

So I did a Money/Financial success spell. Since I work at the lovely McDonalds, I really don't get paid much, and then I have a ton of student loans to pay off due to going to a private university out of state. Expensive! I have issues trying to get everything paid, even with differment's. I really don't have much when it comes to finances. So in order to help me financially I did spell.

I made a sachet full of money success herbs and a green stone I think is jade. I sew up my own sachet from green material.

Herbs I used were Cinnamon, Cinnamon stick, Basil, Ginger, Jasmine, Majoram, and Sage. Cinnamon because it brings success, Sage because of wisdom, so wisdom of money usage as well as purification and protection so that harm does not come to me or to others while the spell manifests and works. Basil because it is known to bring wealth. Ginger because it is to bring success and wealth,  Jasmine to draw in money and Majoram is also a good money bringing herb. I used a fourth of a Cinnamon stick to also put inside the sachet and the stick is not chopped up in order to amplify the power of money and success mixed in with all these herbs.

The stone I used, I didn't exactly know what it is, but it is a green stone, and when I held it and asked if it was for the use of drawing money and financial success, it said yes and felt right. So I used it.

I lite up a Myrrh Incesne stick, White candle and asked them to protect my sacred space. I then lit a gold mini candle to draw on the powers of success

Then in my head while holding the satchet, I imagined my bills paid, money coming in, and success at my job, and saving money. I then procceeded to whisper out the spell:

By the power of these herbs and this stone

Create Financial success and stability,

Bring money to me so that I may pay my bills and save money,

Bless others and harm none

So mote it be

Ok so I am not that good at writing out words for spells, so I just tell it what to do, and visualize my intentions. I Know this spell will not harm anyone. I was once told you couldn't do spells for any type of personal gain, but I don't fully believe that. If personal gain means greedy evil idiots who do money spells in the name of greed and if their intentions aren't pure then yes that is bad and dangerous. However, with pure intentions and not doing it for soley greedy purposes then I think it is ok in order to enhance your life so that you may continue to bless others with your gifts the way God/Goddess intended you to use your gifts. I have full confidence that this spell Will work. I know it will work. Anyway it's off to work I go!

The Battle of Light and Dark

So, ever since Christianity rose to power, there is a ton of misconceptions about light and darkness.

First misconception is that there is supposed to be a battle for light and dark or good v.s. Evil. Christians think Light should overcome everything. There is supposed to be both in the world to create balance. If there is too much darkness it throws off the universe. Same with too much Light in the world.

Second misconception is that darkness automatically means Evil. Which is not entirely true. People have both light and dark in them and in order to have peace with one's self, one must love and embrace their dark side as well as their light side. It has to be balanced in yourself as well as in the universe.

"It is in the darkest hour of the darkest night that the light shines the brightest; for darkness is not the absence of light but its opposite and its equal. To have one without the other would leave both empty and fulfilled." - Riley

A person using ’dark’ magic is not a bad person nor is using it evil. It is the intent of any user that makes it one or the other. If you do not know darkness, how can you fight it? If you do not love the darkness in yourself, how can you love others? To not use and/or understand both leaves you magically weaker. It can also lead to psychological problems.

Light is not meant to dominate over darkness and darkness is not meant to dominate over light.  It really bugs me when Christians think you have to get rid of the darkness inside you in order to be whole or completely pure. NOT TRUE!! If Darkness and light were meant to be battled for, light or darkness would have won years ago, and not constantly and continually complimenting the other.

"Everyone has light and darkness inside them, it is which one you chose to act on that makes who you are" -Sirius Black from Harry Potter.

The whole deal between light and darkness is based on intent, and which you choose to act on. For example everyone feels like they want to kill someone or something every once in awhile. It is just part of nature to get angry and think things out of anger. However, if you choose not to actually kill them, then you are acting on light and not evil. I know that is a bit of an extreme example but darkness doesn't always mean evil. You can have dark thoughts or tendencies and use dark magick for the intent of protection or for healing, and thus you are not evil. However, healing and protection magick with dark energy is extremely complicated and hard to explain, and not recommended unless you know what you are doing, and have absolutely pure intentions! Or at least to me it seems complicated.

Some of the most powerful protection barriers are made of dark energy because dark energy is basically absorbing things like a black hole vortex. Sometimes creating a dark energy ball can absorb attacks, and in shields and barriers it can absorb physical attacks as well. However, I wouldn't suggest it unless you know you can control dark energy. Uncontrolled dark energy is very disastrous and can harm you as well as others if you do not know how to control it. So do not do it unless you are 1000 percent sure you can control it.

Also if you think about it Darkness at night has several advantages, not only do most people feel more powerful magically at night and in the dark, but also biologically it made other predators unable to attack because of not being able to see in the dark, and thus humans slept safely at night. If darkness has the ability to help us, how is it evil?

Scrying

Ok for the last hour or so I have been trying to gaze into this quartz crystal to see if I can learn the art of Scrying. I was successful. I stared into it, concentrated on it and finally when I was able to feel the crystal's energy and mix it with my energy, I ended up getting images in my head about the crystal. It showed me the cave it came from and how a man had cut it down from the ceiling. Then it showed me how it was traded, and sold, multiple times, and finally it came to where it was supposed to be, and that was with me. I asked it how scrying work's and I found my answer. On other websites they don't fully explain How it works, it explains how to do it. And its the same or similar process for any divination tool, or for different methods of scrying.


Quartz Crystal Scrying, This one I know is the most popular, I know why. First thing's first, How Crystal scrying works is when you start staring at it and meditate, you start attuning your energies with the Crystal's energies. Doing that is also called mixing the energies together. You then open the pathway of communication to the stone's memories and knowledge. However, it goes both ways, once you attune your energy with the crystal, the crystal can then see your soul and thus know everything about you. It then is able to redirect what it knows to you by letting you see yourself. It will project the knowledge you want to ask about yourself as well as the people around you because your energy also is attuned to other energies. When you scry for complete strangers all you are doing is taking some of their energies and letting the crystal look at their energies and thus projecting answers about other people as well as yourself. However, it doesn't work as good for strangers because their energies are new to you.

The reason why quartz crystals are more popular is because it amplifies energies. Quartz crystals can help amplify powers and thus amplifying what you see. Not only that but they also absorb energies quickly, and thus it is a better stone for beginners to learn Scrying with. Also note you can use quartz crystals to help aid you in contacting your spirit guides as well as past life transgressions, and summoning if you are able to summon. That is a higher magick technique though from what I hear and dangerous if you do not know what you are doing so I suggest don't try to summon anything unless you know what you are doing. Also you can also use other crystals, and for some witches other crystals might work better for this process than a quartz crystal so I suggest using multiple crystals and find out what works better.

Mirrior Scrying: Basically you are projecting your own energies into the mirror and what do mirrors do? Reflect. All mirrior divination is doing is reflecting back to your own energies and thus reflecting what your subconscious knows. I haven't tried this method but I already feel this is a weaker technique at least for me.

Water Scrying: Basically does the same thing as Mirror scrying except water absorbs energies the way Quartz Crystals do and thus will most likely be able to project and reflect energies. Since I am a natural water element, I can see myself doing water scrying.

Oracle cards and Tarrot cards: after reading everything this should be a no brainier because you attune your energies to the cards and basically do the same thing with everything else. Except the words and pictures on the cards trigger the knowledge that is already with in you.

Pendulums: Ok pendulums are kind of annoying to me because all you get to do is ask yes or no questions, Id rather do the whole quartz crystal gazing, and get better reception/ transmission. How pendulums work is you attune your energies to the crystal (it can be any crystal like amethysts or citrine) and let it hang down from a cord. Depending on the energies in the crystal it will swing one way for yes and one way for no. Again your energy is just swinging the crystal making things you already know resurface in yes or no questions. Or if you make your own letter pad it can also spell out stuff like an Ouija board does. I dunno about anyone else but my preference is to stay away from any type of Ouija boards, even if it is self made.

Studying Metaphysics and Magick

There is something I'd like to get off my chest about modern day Metaphysics school and magick school. First off as a pagan I do not believe that any kind of magick or metaphysical studies should be limited to a school system of stupid rules where people telling you that you can't do this type of magick because you haven't studied this or that for a year, or they tell you  it takes years of practice of one thing before you can get to another. When ever I ask questions about more advanced magick in the forums, and stuff, they all say I need to be "properly trained" or go to school for years to just study the basics.

I am sorry, but I think that is a bunch of crap. For one Every witch is different in their abilities, yes there are some people who need to practice for years of one thing like cleansing, and the basics because that is how they learn and grow. Other witches like myself, I have a natural ability to learn fast, as well as a lot of power to back it up. I am in every sense of the word  a natural witch, due to being in powerful magicks since my very first life. In the last 3 months I have learned the basics of Cleansing, protection and shield work, healing, Divination with Angel Oracle cards, as well as knowing how to create and do spells, as well as being able to create different energy balls based on the elements of Light, dark, earth, air, fire, water, and lightning. I have even been mixing and matching to create water and light energy plus I can combine the basic four elements into my shields for ultimate protection. I can even create a barrier that hides my energies so I am undetectable by other magick users. Who is to say what I am and am not ready for? I am getting bored practicing all this beginner-intermediate stuff. I want to learn more and see what else I can do. What else is there left for me to learn?

I am also a natural medium as well. I have been able to do telepathic medium ship. I don't know really How I do it, but there are times where I have been in homes and different places where someone has recently died, or I am giving a card reading to someone, and the deceased loved ones card comes up and some how I end up talking to their dead loved ones in my head.  Not including all the ghosts and spirits I dream about in my Astral Projection dreams.

Also another thing Other people's spells and rituals never work for me. I usually have to make up my own spells and rituals in order for anything to really work for me. Another thing about magick schools that bug me is the fact they have already laid out spells, and rituals you have to take part in like its a concrete thing you must do in order to worship a deity or master a certain type of magick. Sorry, but that will not work for me nor will it help me learn anything. I have been checking out metaphysical and magick schools just because I am curious, and I think its a bunch of crap in order to get money for a Teacher's services. The longer you study the basics the more money they can get as students patiently learn this stuff. Seems like another corrupted church thing. Not only that, but since there is a veil on magick that separates the magickal world from the physical world, much of the knowledge of what real magick is all about has been lost through out the centuries. It saddens me, and frustrates me. Hopefully when magick comes back to physical plane, that we will all be able to understand it better, and actually advance as the way we used to do to.

My Powerful Medicine Bag

So when I first started on my path, in order to help protect myself from evil and demons, I made a medicine bag designed for that purpose. Yes I know Medicine bags are mainly a Native American thing, but some of the most powerful medicine as well as spirituality comes from Native Americans. I am part Native American myself and since I use many of my cleansing techniques from Native Americans, I felt it was only natural to make myself a Medicine Bag. However, it is an alternate form of it. I decided to draw the protection rune on it as well as imbued it with the power to repel evil spirits and demons.

The ingredients include a small baggy of a mixture of herbs, as well as stones and gems.

The list of stones of what is inside includes: Jade, Obsidian, Rose Quartz, Clear crystal Quartz, Amethyst, Hematite, Adventurine, Moss Aget, Red Aget, Citrine, Blood stone, Snow flake Obsidian, Tigers Eye, Smokey Quartz and Petrified Wood, and a raw uncut version of Rose Quartz.

The list of herbs I mixed are: Garlic, Basil, Bay leaf, Thyme, Rosemary, Marjoram, Cinnamon, Ginsing, Mint, White Sage, and Green Sage.  I mixed them up and put them in a small bag so it doesn't get all over the place.

Then after putting it all together I cleansed my alter area, Lit up a dragon's blood Incense to protect my sacred space as well as use the power in dragons blood to be channeled into the medicine bag, I then also proceeded to light a White Candle for protection, and to draw on its power as well. I then told all the stones and the herbs the purpose of this bag. I imagined a very powerful indestructible barrier around myself and Imagine Demons and evil spirits as well as evil itself running away from me. I drew power from the Candle, the incense, as well as myself, and the rune in order to put it all into this medicine bag.

I know some of the stones and herbs weren't meant for protection, but they are there for healing as well as helping to purify the contents when needed, as well as amplifying the power if needed, so that I won't have to cleanse the contents as often as I would have had to if I didn't put them in there. It is a very powerful amulet/medicine bag, and serves my protection needs well.

Disclosure: However, I think at times I may have made it too powerful, and is more of a weapon against demons and evil spirits. When ever I touch it or hold it, I feel the energies a bit overwhelming. Also I have learned to put up proper barriers without it, but I still carry it around just in case. Also the quartz crystal is something I take out and use for healing every so often when needed. After all medicine bags were orriginally meant for healing. I just altered it so that as I am learning magick, nothing bad or evil comes around to sabotage my magick or hurt me.  If you want to make one for yourself, it's a bit expensive to get all the stones, but you can pick and choose which ones feel right to you, as well as the herbs.  Herbs are inexpensive. I used the herbs that you can get at grocery stores. 

The Next Step-learning about my full power.

After reading the page on Wicca news about books on How to live Wiccan, it has come to my attention that pagan books on how to live your life pagan are not so much around. On the website it says thus:

"I have noticed that, while there are many books about Wicca, there are not many on how to live as a Wiccan. Compare the titles in the Pagan section of a bookstore with those on Christianity, or Christian living; there is a book for Christians on just about every aspect of life. There are even Christian diet books. (Are You Eating With Me, Jesus?) How many books have you seen on how to live as a Wiccan when life sucks? How to face life’s worst moments and most difficult challenges? Where are the books on surviving grief, abuse, and loss and still maintaining your faith as a Wiccan? How to bring your entire life in alignment with your values, and how Wicca influences those values, or should? How, if everything is sacred, every choice we make from what to eat to what shoes to buy is an expression of our spiritual beliefs?" (Wiccachat.com)

On a more broader note, I think it should include not just Wicca, but Druidism, and many other pagan faiths. There aren't very many books out there period on how to deal with new spiritual gifts as they develop, and how to stop being afraid of your own gifts. Or advice on how to handle certain spiritual situations that seem like you are in over your head. How do you know or find your limit's safely?  So many questions about daily living as a pagan, and yet no books on how to guide us. It's like we are almost on our own in order to discover things for ourselves, but at the same time if not being careful or through inexperience, a person can make bad things happen without realizing it. Paganism is not just about spells or being witches. It's about a way of living, and a part of who you are as a person. Knowing who you are, what you are capable of, and knowing how strong you are.

If you don't know who you are, what your capable of, or how strong you can be, it's scary. All I know is without the support of other pagans and witches, and spiritual guides, I would not have been able to find myself or accept myself for who I really am, and even then I am not done with my journey. There is still so much to learn about myself and yet there's a part of me that is afraid. Afraid of what I might find out about my past, or realize my full strength in power, and how that knowledge may affect me, and the people around me. I don't want to be afraid of what I'm possibly capable of. So thus starts my journey on pushing boundaries and limits with magick.

Disclosure: do not worry I already know the basics in harm none. I do not use magick to harm others nor take money when I practice on others if I have permission. All my intentions are pure, and I assure any other witches or pagans reading this that I will not harm anyone. I just want to test out my powers and push myself to find my limits on my power.

Ancient Christian Books

There is a collection of ancient books that were found in a cave in Jordan. These weren't discovered recently, but there is debate about if these are authentic or not. Personally I want them to translate it so it can be published in a book and so I can read them. I love learning about the history of Christianity because of how pagan Christians really are but don't really realize it or know it. Meditating on the word as well as praying to God is magick. Or the fact that Christian Holidays were stolen from the Pagan Celts as well as many ideas in Christianity were stolen from them as well. It doesn't make sense they use magick just as much as pagans do sometimes, and yet they condemn magick. How twisted and hypocritical is that? I find it entertaining and cute.

Anyway, as for the ancient metal tablets that were found. I am betting they are authentic and real, and will give historians and the world more information on Christian history. So maybe I can do research and prove some of  the weird theories I have about Christian theology. I should of gone to college for philosophy and religion and history. I totally could have made it to grad school. Who knows maybe I can still do research and get published on doing this stuff even though I'm not traditionally trained for it.

Ghosts and dreams

There is this philosophy where our astral projection dreams are the real reality. I believe it to a certain extent. Not every dream we have we are astral projecting, however, for me they happen quite often. The recent one being last night. I was outside of my body sleeping when I kept hearing a strange male voice coming to check up on me. It wasn't my dad because for some strange reason I was sleeping in my dad's room so I was pretty close by to my father. I could hear footsteps but couldn't really see anyone but I could feel their presence. They weren't evil. I think it was a very confused ghost because at one point he declared he wanted to protect me from all kinds of harm and loves me etc, and even brushed my hair out of my face. Then the next time he came back to check on me he was furious, and started becoming malevolent, and I don't remember why. I think it is because he wanted me in a way I could not be with him because of being in love with my twin star. As he was getting angry I ran scared like a little girl and hopped into my dads bed and said there was a ghost, and to protect me. My dad did so. I woke up in my room, and felt an odd presence, so it had to have been a real ghost.

Anyway the next dream is kind of more obvious... it wasn't an astral projection dream, but I woke up breathing rather hard. Me and my Bf's friends were going to go to valley fair, a theme park with tons of fun rides to go on. It's almost like a six flags, but anyway, we were heading down there when a huge f6 tornado seemed to appear with other mini tornado's all around. The tornado's were also throwing lightning fire balls (dont ask me how that is possible) and destroying everything. We kept on driving, trying to drive through the storm so that we could find some place safe to hide, but while dodging the lightning balls, we swerved right into one of the twisters and went up to the air. I woke up panting, but when I went back to sleep the dream continued on, like there was no disruption. We landed safely on the road somehow, I think it was because 3 of the 5 of us are magick users and probably did something to help land safely. Then like we were at the mall down town and some of us got out to stretch and find out whats going on. There were many people who were hurt and emergency help came from all over the place, so we started to help. I got separated from my boyfriend and his friends. The tornado's were still going. I was scared as hell that I lost him and something happened. I kept calling his cell phone, texting, and no answer. I was livid and crying in the dream, and still he never came back in the dream. I woke up scared. 

The tornado dream I think represents the issues I have with separation anxiety. I try not to freak out if my bf doesn't call me or text me everyday. I know he was busy yesterday with his friends after work, and me not freaking out if he doesn't get back to me, doesn't always work. I think its a past life thing with how badly my separation anxiety can get sometimes. Because I am like that with every boyfriend, it's like I'm afraid to lose them. When I was with one of my other ex-boyfriends I always had dreams he disappeared and I was distraught in all of those dreams. Sigh...

Anyway I had more strange dreams, but they really aren't that significant. These two are the ones I remembered more vividly than the others. Anyway I had to get them off my mind. I hope my twin star didn't get hurt at work or something. Hopefully my bf contacts me today so we can follow through with our plans for today.

Cleansing Rituals

One of the first lessons I learned as a Witch is cleansing. I think all Witches need to do this as their first lessons. It aids in protection, learning control with emotions as well as magick, and it is easy and very basic. For me I have two methods to cleansing. For me I learned how to do it by accident, as in I just knew how without even looking it up. Back in Sept/ Oct I was getting headaches that wouldn't go away. I started visualizing white light healing my head before I went to bed one night and when I woke up it was gone. I realized what I did was not only heal myself but cleansed a really cluttered up area in my aura and crown chakra. I wanted to find out what exactly what I was doing and how I was doing it so I researched it and found out what I was doing was cleansing. I try to do it as often as I can.

First method would be for cleansing your space, aka the space you live in, or the altar or where you preform rituals or cast spells. There are many methods to doing this. If you are a visual person, imagine any unwanted energies (negative, harmful, evil) disappearing/ going away/ or put into the ground to be cleansed by the earth.  If you are more of a physical person, walking around your room/apartment/house burning white sage/ sage/ frankincense/ or Myrrh incense (or a combination if you make them yourself), and feel how the unwanted energies are leaving or disappearing or going away. I do a combination of the two because I like to see the energies leave as well as feel it being banished. For me it makes sense to do both visual cleansing and burning incense. I Mostly do the Native American technique of Smudging as in burning sage or white sage and letting everything hit the smoke. I use the energy being burned off of the smoke and visualize any unwanted energies disappearing as I am walking around my room and sometimes spinning around in circles.

Second Technique is to help cleanse your aura, physical body, and or chakra's if you have any gunk blocking the Chakra points. If you don't know what they are. I suggest googling it or going to this website to explain what it is. Basically I do a ritual bath and/or shower about once a week (don't worry I shower more than once a week) where I burn cleansing/ purification incense like Myrrh or Frankincense while I shower. I imagine any unwanted energies on my body, in my aura, and/or Chakras being washed away from the water pouring down on me and into the earth. I am a natural water element so I feel like I'm on cloud 9, and go into instant visual meditation mode where I am cleansing everything on my body as well as my spiritual body. I imagine I am bathing in a pool/lake/river that has a small safe rainbow colored waterfall for bathing in.

Disclosure: For some this may be hard to do because I am aware that some beginners have to constantly work at improving their powers in order to do this all at once. I am just blogging about it because for me it feels amazing and would like to share the technique with others. It does feel amazing. Sometimes I am really tired mentally, physically, and emotionally, but after doing this ritual shower cleansing, I feel energized, rejuvenated, and my body doesn't feel as sore anymore. Also not one method works for everyone. You can search and find other cleansing methods on the net. Particularly at Wicca chat.com is a good resource.

Also, after doing this any magick and before doing any magick, I ground myself, as in putting some of my energy as well as any excess energy from the ritual going into the ground so that I feel even better. I do this because sometimes I get a build up of excess magick energy if I don't use magick for a few days.

My Journey

So my real name is not Selenah Arwin. It is an alias designed to protect my real identity. I don't want my real identity to be known due to the vast dangers associated with the internet as well as making sure nobody comes knocking on my door to tell me I'm crazy for believing in magick, and send me away with people in white coats. My Journey so far has lead me to start this blog in hopes to inspire others to find the truth within themselves as well as hoping to find support from my fellow pagans.

Anyway I am getting a head of myself. My Journey starts really when I was born, however, my personal metamorphosis started just 3 months ago. Before the end of January, I was Christian, or trying to be. I tried the good girl following the rules of the church persona, and have failed. I became a reborn virgin in those days, as well as reading the bible and trying to follow all their rules. However, I have failed all my life at this. It has never felt right to me. I always knew that somehow the church's teachings was corrupted and wrong. It installed a fear in me that I am a bad person no matter what I tried to do. I tried to be perfect. I felt like I could never please god even though I was sincerely trying hard to. I felt rejected and hurt and it made me depressed. I fought myself over and over again, and I couldn't understand why I couldn't find the peace I wanted so badly within myself. Other Christians seemed happy and content and at complete peace with them selves, and it was something I was desperately searching for.  Despite the churches teachings there are some great people who attend the church. They are kind loving, and some are even non judgmental. Still the teachings of the church I felt were still way off, but I feared that if I didn't try to live the way they wanted me to that Id never be a good enough person to enter heaven. I always worried about it, and yet something deep inside me was still fighting what I was doing to myself.

I was always drawn to magick and I never understood why. It  goes back to my child hood. When I was little I used to dream about witches, warlocks, magick, my past lives, vampires, and many other magical dreams. Some of them felt very vivid, and I had a longing for Magick's since, but I couldn't understand why. My parents thought I just had an overactive imagination, and thought I was crazy. But I could never shake the fact that some dreams felt real and vivid and sometimes Id wake up feeling like I was drained of energy, like I hadn't slept in days. Has happened for a long time. In October of last year I started get dreams about demons attacking me as well as me attacking them to kill them. Id wake up feeling drained, and have physical evidence in the morning that I had fought something. I'd cover myself up in order to hide it. Then as I kept having them I started remembering that I had those dreams all my life and that I have always had demon dreams. Then three months ago I had awakened spiritually, and I found out what the god and goddess had created me for, and that the churches teachings were wrong. I submerged myself in research, first starting with the Gnostic Gospels. I still hold some Christian values and teachings so I mainly consider myself a Gnostic Christian. I still believe in the ultimate God, or other wards some cultures call it/him/her Gia. I then branched and researched Wicca, druidism, and ancient Native Americans. I also researched ancient Egyptian theology with the Isis cults. I felt a weird bond/attraction to Isis cults, only later to remember I was a high priestess in many lives to the Isis Cult. I felt I was waking up finally from a bad nightmare, and I felt like I knew who I was and my purpose in life. Instead of walking blind like I had been for years. I felt rejuvenated and started to ground myself in who I was. I started accepting what I really believed in, and that is Magick, and that there was more than one God. I accepted my duty to the god and goddess, and my duty to this earth.

I am basically a warrior. The demon dreams I had been having all my life were actually real, and that I had the power to fight them, and destroy them. I had been doing it all my life subconsciously, and now it has reached my conscious. I have been taking measures to protecting myself. I have learned to shield myself, as well as protection and cleansing magick. I can do it without breaking a sweat, and I realized how powerful I really am. I started remembering how to do magick from past lives, and through the help of some pagan friends I have found along the way, including my twin star lover. I have strong healing abilities, am learning to control all the elements including light, darkness, and the basic four plus many others. I stopped fighting myself and finally just accepting who I am. I finally had found the peace I was searching for that I saw many Christians have that I did not have in my spiritual struggle.

However, even though I am at peace with myself now, there's still the daunting task of telling my Christian friends, and risk losing them. I been avoiding them like the plague because of my fear of them. I know there will be a time where I will have to share to them what I really believe in, and who I really am.