My Journey Part 2

So my real name is not Neveah Jasmine. It is an alias designed to

protect my real identity. I don't want my real identity to be known due to the vast dangers associated with the internet.

This is an extension of my journey. To update about the changes I have made in the last few months.

In july/august of last year I started get dreams about demons attacking me as well as me attacking them to kill them or banish them. Id wake up feeling drained, and have physical evidence in the morning that I had fought something like bruises appearing out of randomness. I'd cover myself up in order to hide it. Then as I kept having them I started remembering that I had those dreams when I was little. One demon dream was so bad that I had been paralyzed and couldn't move when I woke up. I submerged myself in research, first starting with the Gnostic Gospels. I used to hold some Christian values and teachings when I first started out, and called myself Gnostic Christian. Got a hold of gnostic texts. I then did some research Wicca, druidism, and started rereading my old notes in high school on ancient Native Americans, since I was part Native American I had a secondary culture class and they taught other ancient ways of looking at things. I should have taken the hint back then but my parents negative influence did not help any. But in any case I learned to cleanse through Native American Techniques that seemed to keep negative/harmful dreams away. I made a dream catcher as well. And during this time I was really scared of my dreams. When I started on my path, I felt I was waking up finally from a bad nightmare. I felt like I had a new sense of purpose, instead of walking blind like I had been for years. I felt rejuvenated and started to ground myself in who I was. I started accepting what I really believed in, and that is Magick, and that there was more than one God. But I do admit my education isn't in depth. I have only looked at the basics of things to try and figure out what was going on with my dreams.

However, today I don't follow much of any Christian theology. I have been trying to purge myself and cleanse myself of those values that were thrust upon me by my family. To change everything is hard, especially getting rid of the duality notion. I still hold the duality notion but I don't consider things to be evil or good, just a matter of light and darkness, and basing things on intent, so its complicated. Still don't fully understand how there is no duality in Wicca. I understand more of the yin yang philosophy and the balance of light and dark, Life and death notion, and the other things the yin yang stands for. Reason why right now I can't choose a specific path to follow because I have too many complicated and mixed beliefs from many different religions, and I don't think I need to choose right now. I just enjoy using magick, creating and using spells, creating energy balls to play with and using my gifts to help others.

But in any case I did figure out that there is tons of negative energy being produced by my family, and my powers were awakened before I was ready so I had to cram everything and its all a big mess in my head, and those demon dreams are from my gift of sight and my medium abilities I think, well most of them were anyway. It was showing me that I needed to wake up, and cleanse myself, and start anew. However, Still cant explain the demon possession/death dream that left me paralyzed and cold as ice in the morning. That one still puzzles me, but Its not something I really want to fully understand or tell what the dream is right now. I hope to keep learning and find out new stuff about myself and to keep practicing magick.